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Met Gala 2013: Punk-Chaos to Couture!

2:46 AM

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I don’t think that some of these celebrities got the memo about this year’s dress code for the Met Gala!

Ladies and gents, the Fashion Olympics aka the annual Met Gala has come upon us and has left me speechless for a while!

I wanted to write a nice little story about how pretty I think some of these celebrities looked and keep it “Rated PG 13”… but then I was thinking; “What in the hell were some of these people thinking???”

I wouldn’t be true to myself if I kept it that way. Because the craziness that happened should be addressed with all of my power tantrums!

And there is no word in the DICTIONARY, in ANY language, that could describe how I felt when I saw some of these outfits…. I'm sorry, but I HAVE TO KEEP IT REAL!

I’m just going to cut to the chase and get straight to the fashion fabulous, the big fails and NOT to forget… the walking sofa (you already know who I’m talking about!)

If you know you are not made for straight up raw blogging, 
then I now suggest you go and read another post… or just leave the blog!

Now for the brave ones who have been chosen
by the “Fashion Fairy Godmother” to keep on reading…

Let me first start by saying that I have NEVER been this 
CONFUSED as to what people were wearing.

I seriously think that some of these celebrities seriously didn’t 
know what to do with this year’s theme, which was PUNK: From Chaos to Couture.


Let’s start with a woman, which is close to my heart….

Let’s be REAL for a minute and have 1 minute of silence for the fact that

(You don’t have to agree with me… just delete my phone number!)

I WILL admit that the outfit might have looked a little bit too “matchy-matchy”, 
whit them shoes, BUT I LOVED ALL THE DRAMA!


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Beyoncé shitting on everyone’s life in Givenchy

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J.Lo can NEVER do anything wrong in this Michael Kors gown!

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Naomie Harris looked all types of cute in Donna Karan Atelier

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Lala Anthony went for sophisticated & classy in this sexy Zac Posen dress!

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Heidi Klum was serving royal mermaid in this strapless Marchesa dress.

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Diane von Furstenburg was giving young girls a run 
for their money in one of her own dresses!

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Uma Thurman in Zac Posen…accompanied by Zac Posen himself!
Who needs a bag when you can rock a DESIGNER as an accessory? 

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I didn’t know Anne Hathaway had in in her, but she pulled the punk-look
pretty well if you ask me in this Valentino Couture gown.

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Even though Solange’s Kenzo dress had NOTHING “punk” going on, 
it still looked fierce and retro as hell!

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Chanel Iman’s J. Mendel dress had me screaming: BEETLEJUICE! 

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Amar’e Stoudemire looked classy in Calvin Klein while his
 (read PREGNANT) wife looked cute in a Giambattista Valli couture gown.

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Amber Heard looked flawless in an Emilio Pucci 
dress while her hair was laid to the freaking stars!

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Joan Smalls also got the memo of bringing the designer 
of your dress (Tom Ford) as your arm candy!

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Taylor Swift, girl I didn’t know you were still relevant… 
but I did love that J. Mendel dress!

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Leave it up to Gwen Stefani to rock it out in Maison Martin Margiela.

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SJP gave me LIFE as she sashayed in a Giles dress paired with a mean 
Philip Treacy headpiece. Carrie was BACK in the building!

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Even though I’m NOT a fan of flower printed dresses, I have to give it up to 
Anna Wintour for pulling this Chanel dress. Let’s be honest… 
it fit’s her like a fresh sewed in weave! 

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Dear Nicki, I liked the Tommy Hilfiger dress, but I hate the hair.
Did you like your own hair??? Or is it normal that you look confused on
  ALL pictures that have been taken?

That’s it for all the nice comments… 

now let’s get REAL!

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I have always liked the many outfits that eve was spotting on the red carpets back 
in the days… but that HIDEOUS piece of fabric she was spotting, 
had me thinking I was looking at a gladiator. 

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Tyson Beckford is a FINE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE, BUT that suit…
The. Struggle. Is. REAL!

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Where was Olivia Pope when this happened? This mess needed to be 
FIXED BEFORE she stepped on the red carpet! 
I don’t care if it was a Vera Wang.That dress had too much going on… 
I’m going to need for Kerry to FIRE her stylist!

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I think Rita Ora thought she was going to Rihanna’s 
launching event of her River Island line…

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Miley needs to go back to twerking, because apparently getting dressed 
for a big fashion event isn’t what she’s good at! (I’m not even going to say anything 
about that piece of fabric she’s wearing & that bird nest on top of her head!)

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Patricia Field?... Is that you? -________-

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*cricket sounds*

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If anyone else tells me that THIS woman is the best dressed of the year AGAIN,
I’m packing my stuff and moving to Venus. She looks ready to walk up a wall!

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Katy Perry… I…hmmmm… you know what… let me just…
*sips tea*

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I think Gisele’s navigation was broken, because I know
 the strip club is 3 blocks away!

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So "People’s Most Beautiful Woman of the Year" decided to look like
MotherTheresa had a make over… I see you Gwyneth!

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What in the hell…? … 
Who is this ????? 

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Halloween came early this year…and I’m heavyconfused.com because I have no
idea about who (these Olsen twins are so confusing!) or WHAT I’m looking at!

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All of you out there who said Nicole looked fine…. 

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This had to be a joke! I don’t believe Alicia Keys was serious with this dress…
*looks around* … Ashton… is that you in the back with the “Punk’d” camera crew?

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And last but not least….

I have NEVER been a fan of Kim K, and therefor I don’t really care much for her. 
But for her so-called “friends” and “boyfriend” to let her out of the house looking like THAT

These are the signs that show that this poor woman doesn’t have people around her who love her, because if they did… somebody would have told her she looked a hot ass mess. (and please spare me the “pregnant” comments… Amar’e’s WIFE was ALSO PREGNANT and looked PRETTY!)

It’s the FIRST TIME she attended the Met Gala, (Courtesy of Kanye, because we ALL KNOW Anna Wintour loves herself some Kanye…but doesn’t care for miss Kardashian) and that’s how she got down?

Her boyfriend is a so-called designer and didn’t even have the AUDACITY to tell her she looked straight out of somebody’s grandmother’s living room! (Kanye needs an ass whoopin’!)

I don’t even understand why in the hell she tried that “J.Lo – leg “ pose. 
Leave it to the pros who look the part girl!

The Thirst AND Struggle is REAL out there in these streets!

All in all, I enjoyed the red carpet, didn’t know what to think of all these newbies who looked completely retarded, BUT I had my share of GLAMOROUS EXTRAVAGANZA!

Peep some of the pictures, which were taken during the event!

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Is it just me or does Solange’s smile look very FORCED in the last picture?
I don’t think she likes somebody that much. Lol!

Quote of the day: Dear Kim, if you read this blog…. BURN THAT DRESS
and holla if you want to take on Kanye… I got your back!

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